The Adventures of Pepe

11 years ago my friend Paul Shanks and I created a little video series called The Adventures of Pepe. They made me laugh a lot. The tapes were lost for over a decade but my friend Travis found them in a warehouse in Birmingham, Alabama a few months ago.  He sent them over and now I’m glad to share Pepe with the world.

We only made three episodes because they took forever to make and some people thought we were being racist.  I thought we were just being funny. I hope you enjoy the humor.

Pepe Gets A Job. from Wallace Family on Vimeo.


Pepe Crosses The Street from Wallace Family on Vimeo.


Pepe Goes Fishing from Wallace Family on Vimeo.

Posted by Mark Wallace Posted in: Humor, Movies No Comments » February 2009

Quest for Eggs

Yesterday I was on a quest for eggs; scrambled to be exact - with toast (buttered), sausage patties, and coffee (Sugar? Yes please!).  {note: I’m playing with the rules of English grammar here, leave me alone.}

Yeah, so back to my Quest For Eggs.  Yes, it was a Quest proper not a simple quest like looking for your keys.  Dragon Quest is another example of a Quest proper – I miss those laid back days in the 80’s when I had a pocket full of quarters and all the time in the world on my side.  But my quest was not for dragons, I was searching for a nice Grand Slam.

Diane and I headed out to the local Village Inn where I knew I could score a delicious Sante Fe Chicken Skillet with green chili – it’s salubrious. Evidently all of Gilbert decided to have a skillet and there was a line around the block.  The wait was just too long so we looked for eggs elsewhere (not to be confused with the ever popular St. Elsewhere).

The problem is that there are just not that many places around our neighborhood to eat a good breakfast.  Which is why we’ve been trying to move for TWO YEARS (yeah, I stole that from dooce.com – give me a break ALL CAPS IS COOL).  Hey – over here, back to my story.  WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO MOVE FOR TWO YEARS SO BUY OUR HOUSE.

In fact we had an offer on our house this last week, the first offer we’ve seen in two years.  The offer was super low AND it turns out it wasn’t even real.  It’s a long story but the “buyers” who made the offer are real turds.  This week we had a very bad experience with the Turd family and their not-so-ethical realtor.  It just seemed to underscore the fact that we are forever stuck in Gilbert, way out in the burbs, when we’d rather be in the city with dozens of options for a scrambled egg breakfast.

But we’re not in the city and apparently the only option for food was a place called Some Burros.  I ordered a tostada and experienced one of the worst meals of my life.  Diane didn’t even attempt the food.  She’s wise.

We’d been out and about for over an hour so we gave up on the Quest for the eggs and decided to head back home for a bit.  Later in the day we ate some lunch (spicy chicken sandwiches from Jack in the Box) and arrived at the studio to load the Xterra and head to the west side for a shoot.

Our shoot lasted until just past 9:00pm and by that time we were both pretty hungry.  As we were leaving we noticed a Waffle House just down the road.  It was as if the clouds parted and the sun beamed down a shaft of light on the source of the illusive Holy Grail of Eggs.  Of course it’s Phoenix so we don’t have clouds and it was night so the sun wasn’t around, but you get the idea.

We drove in, grabbed a booth, and ordered up our greasy eggs.  We filled our tummies and played a few Waffe House tunes on the jukebox.

Waffle House Thank You made us laugh and the waitress suggested we enjoy Grill Operator.  Diane gave me the stink eye and instead of spending my last quarter on another Waffle House tune I played Hotel California – a tribute to the house we cannot sell and the town we cannot leave.

Posted by Mark Wallace Posted in: Humor No Comments » May 2008

Crazy Dog!

Diane caught Luka and I running around the house tonight.  Sometimes Luka gets inspired to run like a crazy dog around the house and it’s one of the funniest things ever.  Luka was shaved for an ultrasound recently.  He’s a healthy dog but looks funny.

Posted by Mark Wallace Posted in: Humor, Luka No Comments » April 2008

Steve is warm, polite, intelligent and funny.

This is what Steve Martin used to give people who asked for his autograph.  Genius.

Posted by Mark Wallace Posted in: Humor No Comments » April 2008

Leaderboard Widget

Now you can keep an eye on who’s winning where.  This is a nifty widget that I find mostly useless.  I thought I’d share.

Posted by Mark Wallace Posted in: Humor, Politics No Comments » February 2008

Scattered, Smothered, Covered, Chunked, Topped, Diced & Peppered

Oh yeah, it’s Waffle House!  You haven’t lived until you’ve eaten at a Waffle House at 2:00am.  No matter when you go it’s always an adventure.

Yesterday Diane and I decided to have a late breakfast at one of my favorite Waffle Houses.  Although every Waffle House is fun to visit, some are just a little more fun than others.  There is a Waffle House in Tempe not far from our Studio.  It is next to the freeway (that’s almost a requirement for a Waffle House) and it’s next door neighbor is a huge strip club.  Let’s just say the guests are always interesting.

Whenever possible I like to sit at the bar so I can watch all the activity on the grill.  The waiters call out orders and the short order cooks throw eggs, hash browns, sausages, and other food on the grill at a frenetic pace.  It’s amazing they can keep everything straight.

The customers are always fun to watch as well.  Road weary truckers, families, homeless people, college students, rich, poor; they all come to Waffle House.  I love the mix of ethnicities, ages, and economic background.  The Waffle House is truly America’s melting pot.

So what are you waiting for?  Get in your car and grab some Waffle House goodness.

 

Posted by Mark Wallace Posted in: Humor 2 Comments » February 2008

Bucky Starbrite!!!!

About 10 years ago I worked on a project called Bucky Starbrite.  I was hired by a company to produce some short inspirational stories for kids.  The theme was stewardship; managing our time, talents, influence, etc. in a way that is wise.

I wanted to create a replica of an old radio show.  I came up with the idea of using a hero, sort of like Johnny Quest.  The hero would travel and do things with a gang and we’d learn from him along the way.  The next thing I did was write up a short script for the first episode.  It was about our hero getting help from a kid who gives up a prized possession.  I pitched my idea to the company and they gave me the green light.

The next thing I did was hire my good friend Travis Hawkins to write and direct the episodes.  Travis took my first script and changed about 90% of it.  He was able to fill in the gaps with a cast of characters and plot out all of the episodes.  He was watching a lot of Space Ghost Coast to Coast during that time so you’ll no doubt hear the influence.

Travis then hired a few others for voice talent.  My good friend Davy Fisher became the voice of Evil Zarkon, another good friend Scott Ross became Bucky Starbrite.  We added David Hammond as The Narrator.  Ami Ross was the voice of Julie.  Travis was the voice of Finster and Doughan and I was Gradoo.  We all chipped in and did other voices as well (kids, computer, etc).

We rented a sound studio and laid down all the voice talent first.  Once that was finished I spent about a week working with the studio tech, Blake, to edit the vocals and add all the sound effects and music.  I found out that there was a problem with the budget and I had to cut out a lot of things that we’d originally planned for the episodes.

One of the big problems with the audio is the fact that Porpy (the P.U.R.P.O.S.E. porpoise) is very underrepresented by the sounds.  Travis came in and did a few porpoise sounds but it’s very easy to miss Porpy as a character.  I wish I had the time and budget to add all the water splashing and porpoise noises we’d planned.

These episodes were lost in time until a couple of weeks ago.  I bought an ION Tape2PC cassette player and transfered them to my PC.  These are from some very old tapes so the quality isn’t terrific.  But I’m happy that I found them and can share some of the craziness with you. 

These are in the order that they were written (I think).  “Captured Bucky” is my favorite and “Lazy Bucky” is one that could have been better. Remember, these were created to be silly so don’t be too critical!

• Disco Bucky.mp3 (5291 KB)
• Captured Bucky.mp3 (5807 KB)
• Scatting Bucky.mp3 (5618 KB)
• Dreaming Bucky.mp3 (6253 KB)
• Lazy Bucky.mp3 (5605 KB)

Posted by Mark Wallace Posted in: Humor, Random Stuff No Comments » January 2008

2007 Chip

With just a couple of weeks left in 2007 I decided I’d cast my last chip of 2007. So here goes…
 
I hereby chip Hot Fuzz! This is a spoof on cop buddy movies and I thought it was just stupid funny.  You may want to watch Bad Boys (I and II) and Point Break before watching this movie or the parody won’t make sense.  Throw in a few Lethal Weapon movies for added background research and you’re ready to sit down and enjoy Hot Fuzz.
 
I’m chipping this movie because it made me laugh a lot.  I also happen to be a big fan of both Bad Boys and Point Break. I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve watched both many times. Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves - it doesn’t get much better than that.  Hot Fuzz bashes these movies with reckless abandon.  In several scenes they even matched the camera moves (camera moving counter clockwise actors moving clockwise). They even topped themselves by throwing in a washed out ex James Bond into the mix (Timothy Dalton). And who doesn’t like a vague reference to Godzilla?  Yeah, they even worked that in during the big finale. As Strongbad would say in Teen Girl Squad, “Spiked!”
 
The other reason I really liked this movie is because it reminded me of my sisters May List books. I don’t want to spoil the movie (or the books) so you’ll just have to watch and read to see what I mean.
 
The last reason I chipped this movie; gratuitous profanity. Oh yeah, nothing is funnier than a bunch of unnecessary swearing. And they do it so well.  There is so much cussing in this movie that they even have a bonus feature that shows the non-cussing TV edits.  That’s almost worth the rental.  Speaking of extras make sure you watch them.  I finally know what to do with that annual birthday cake.

If you have no idea what a chip is: Click here for the full story.

Posted by Mark Wallace Posted in: Humor, Movies No Comments » December 2007

TED

Thanks to my friend Bill I just discovered TED.  Here’s the scoop on what TED is and why it’s so cool.  This text is lifted directly from their website:

TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from those three worlds. Since then its scope has become ever broader.

The annual conference now brings together the world’s most fascinating thinkers and doers, who are challenged to give the talk of their lives (in 18 minutes).

This site makes the best talks and performances from TED available to the public, for free. Almost 150 talks from our archive are now available, with more added each week. These videos are released under a Creative Commons license, so they can be freely shared and reposted.

Our mission: Spreading ideas.

We believe passionately in the power of ideas to change attitudes, lives and ultimately, the world. So we’re building here a clearinghouse that offers free knowledge and inspiration from the world’s most inspired thinkers, and also a community of curious souls to engage with ideas and each other. Over time, you’ll see us add talks and performances from other events, and solicit submissions from you, as well. This site, launched April 2007, is an ever-evolving work in progress, and you’re an important part of it. Have an idea? We want to hear from you.

The TED Conference, held annually in Monterey, is still the heart of TED. More than a thousand people now attend — indeed, the event sells out a year in advance — and the content has expanded to include science, business, the arts and the global issues facing our world. Over four days, 50 speakers each take an 18-minute slot, and there are many shorter pieces of content, including music, performance and comedy. There are no breakout groups. Everyone shares the same experience. It shouldn’t work, but it does. It works because all of knowledge is connected. Every so often it makes sense to emerge from the trenches we dig for a living, and ascend to a 30,000-foot view, where we see, to our astonishment, an intricately interconnected whole.

In recent years, TED has spawned some important extensions.

TEDGlobal is a sister conference held every other year, and in a different country on each occasion. The first conference was held in Oxford, England, in 2005; the second, in June 2007, was held in Arusha, Tanzania. The themes of the global conference are slightly more focused on development issues, but the basic TED format is maintained.

The TED Prize is designed to leverage the TED Community’s exceptional array of talent and resources. It is awarded annually to three exceptional individuals who each receive $100,000 and, much more important, the granting of “One Wish to Change the World.” After several months of preparation, they unveil their wish at an award ceremony held during the TED Conference. These wishes have led to collaborative initiatives with far-reaching impact.

TEDTalks began as a simple attempt to share what happens at TED with the world. Under the moniker “ideas worth spreading,” talks were released online. They rapidly attracted a global audience in the millions. Indeed, the reaction was so enthusiastic that the entire TED website has been reengineered around TEDTalks, with the goal of giving everyone on-demand access to the world’s most inspiring voices.

Today, TED is therefore best thought of as a global community. It’s a community welcoming people from every discipline and culture who have just two things in common: they seek a deeper understanding of the world, and they hope to turn that understanding into a better future for us all.

Posted by Mark Wallace Posted in: Charity, Education, God, History, Humor, News, Photography, Politics, Science, TED, Useful Info No Comments » December 2007

Born Standing Up

I finished Middlesex a few days ago.  It was a pretty good book but I didn’t think it was good enough to win a Pulitzer.  I felt like Eugenides lost his way toward the end of the book.  I liked it but won’t give it high praise.

After finishing Middlesex I picked up the new Steve Martin autobiography.  I was very excited to read this book because I’m a huge Steve Martin fan. I know him more for his movies than for his stand up routine.  I remember King Tut from the 80’s but was too young to watch him on SNL or see one of his shows.

One of my first recollections of Steve Martin was a little book called Cruel Shoes. I found this on the bookshelf in my house in 1985 and thought it was one of the funniest things I’d ever read.  I was still in high school at the time.  The book is made up of a bunch of disconnected short stories.  I memorized one of them to use in my speech class.

A few years later I was hooked on David Letterman.  One night Steve Martin was a guest on the show.  He and Dave created a little mockumentary that showed the rehearsal and how things had gone terribly wrong.  Steve and Dave had a big blow out fight and wouldn’t talk to each other anymore.  Then, feeling sorry for themselves, they reconciled and became great friends again.  This appearance and little video that Martin and Letterman put together was hilarious.  It’s one of my all time favorite Late Night memories.  Somebody please post it on YouTube.

I enjoyed Martin’s movies along the way.  Of course he is a brilliant comic; The Jerk, Three Amigos, Planes, Trains and Automobiles.  A few of them really made me think; Grand Canyon, Leap of Faith, Shop Girl.

I really became a fan of Martin when I started reading his books.  Cruel Shoes was funny but his later work is just brilliant.  Pure Drivel is hilarious and should be on everyones coffee table. Shopgirl is a stunning work. After I read it I passed it around to all my friends and insisted that they read it too.  The book was in circulation for about 6 months.

Of course there is also the new Martin book The Alphabet from A to Y With Bonus Letter Z! that was just published.  NPR recently did a story about it.  What fun!

I read Born Standing Up in short order.  I opened the book Friday night and finished Saturday night.  It’s not a huge book but I found it incredibly insightful.  I also found that I share many things with Steve Martin.

He cites The Razor’s Edge as one of the major influences in his younger years.  This is the story that influenced me to travel and ultimately spend weeks in northern India and the Himalayas in Nepal.  He also credits this book as the inspiration for his thirst for knowledge and learning.  I’d agree with him on that too.  He has a high respect for Bill Murray – one of my other heroes.  He enjoys large crowds but doesn’t like small gatherings, ditto for me.

If you want a real treat pick up Born Standing Up.  If you’re not familiar with Martins work then I’d suggest starting with a different book first.  Shopgirl is a good place to start.  I’ll leave you with a bit of Steve Martin wackiness from his alphabet book.  This is for the letter “M”.

Maniacal Marvin munched many a macaroon,
Making his middle a mini hot air balloon.

Posted by Mark Wallace Posted in: Books, Humor No Comments » December 2007

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